W12: On Standby

Today I’m not in The Zone. The funny has gone. The energy, the inspiration – they’re gone. The spark is missing. I have nothing to write about and no motivation to dredge anything up from the recesses of my brain. There’s nothing wrong, I feel content, but I’m just kinda…. neutral; not happy, not sad, just neutral. And when I’m neutral, I don’t have the inspiration or motivation to go into that place inside my head, that other world or parallel universe where the magic lives, to perform that alchemy that transforms energy into words. The Writer’s Voice, the muse, the spirit from within that creates, the Me Inside; it is sleeping.

rain-65294 Maybe it’s the cold, the flat-grey sky and the rain outside, muffling my brain and smothering the thoughts. Maybe it’s that Sunday, end of the week, all-energy-expended feeling. Maybe I’ve had too many late nights. Maybe I’m in a hiatus between funny stories or tragic tales and there is simply nothing to tell. Not going to sweat it, it will be back. I don’t want to force a post just for the sake of posting, so I will rest on Standby and let the juices build up again.

I started this blog because I wanted to document life with my son before he grew out of his childhood, I wanted to capture all those funny stories and frustrating moments, preserve them in aspic, because so much is fading away as he grows older. I wanted to reassure those parents out there who may feel that nobody understands what life is like with autism. I wanted to connect, reach out and be part of life when I felt isolated by my own issues as well as the practicalities of being a parent of an autistic child. I also wanted to share some of the personal development I had undergone because I feel that being a parent of an autistic child caused me to take a new look at my life and face some of the issues I had been distracting and hiding from up until then. I feel that if I have had this awakening and challenge then others must have too. Yet to date I haven’t written anything on this because those thoughts are harder to organise and summarise, more complex, more challenging to express. Daily Webruary posts are not the right vehicle for that. That’s something I’ll work on in March when I go back to weekly posting, when I can devote more time to each post.

So for today it’s a “hello, have a great day.” Enjoy your Sunday, whatever it is you are doing and take care out there. Much love. See you tomorrow.


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